I challenge anyone reading this post to consider adopting an older child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) behaviors and issues. You just may save a life and enhance your own. Here’s a link to request information on adoption. firstname.lastname@example.org.
ADOPTION is a wonderful way to change your lives. Oh yes, I’ve heard it all. Adoptions can be great, okay or horrible. I always say that adoptions shouldn’t be a shot in the dark process, but so many times they are.
Without knowledge of what works for one family and does not work for another, no one can figure out which family should take on which child. The child is just given to whoever says, “Send them my way!”
The above practice occurs in international adoptions, foster care adoptions and even infant adoptions. With the scattershot process, some children succeed happily and others do not. As a parent with a major awful experience in the scattershot process, I can relate to families who get a child they never expected.
When I was adopting, the agency contacted me and said they had a five- year-old boy and would I like to be his mother. I immediately said “YES!” I was so excited. Then I get a call and the worker told me, “She’s beautiful!” I went, “Um, she is supposed to be a he.” “Oh no,” the worker said “This is definitely a girl and she’s ten-years-old.” I was now getting a ten-year-old girl. When my daughter was on the plane to the USA, I received another phone call and the agency director in India said my daughter was closer to 14. There’s a huge difference between five and 14.
I was clueless about what happened to her in India. She was a victim of childhood trauma and had the resultant Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). No one in India knew her story and didn’t care. She needed a new home, so the authorities said “Let’s send her away and that’s one more urchin off the streets.
My international experience is not unique. I believe it would have helped my adoption experience if I had been better prepared. But, no one can really prepare a family who adopts a child with RAD because most people have never had experience with such a child.
I believe there are people out there in the real world who would love to take on the challenge of being a parent. How would you feel if you had information on the child that will give you a heads up on what the child’s issues are before you decide to adopt?
I know I would have done a much better job in parenting my child if I had been made aware of her traumatic life before she was on a plane. Would I have changed my mind? The answer is complex, but I believe that the knowledge of her history would have been an advantage because then I could have helped her succeed.
Knowing what I know now after working with families adopting children with all the past behaviors and issues being available for the new families to help them make informed decisions regarding the children’s needs, makes for more successful adoptions.
Are you ready to meet my challenge?
Thanks for reading my post. Please email me with any questions. email@example.com
N. Ann Lamphere, MSW