I wish I had an open door to talk to adoption social workers all over the country. I would like to talk to them about families in distress because of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and the lack of help available to these families.
Every day, I hear stories of families who need help, but no one wants to do it. I want to hear why this is so common. Are these families so scary or do you feel inadequate to help the families?
I can tell anyone who will listen, I understand. I’ve parented a RAD child. I may never have all the answers, but I will try to offer support, ideas for out-of-home placements and offer a shoulder to cry on.
There are times I want to reach through a computer screen and hug an angry parent. It’s really hard to see so many families torn apart by an angry, hurtful child and then being told they didn’t love the child enough.
I’m only one person. I would do everything in my power to help every family with a RAD child, but I can’t. I need to find other social workers willing to realize it’s not the current parents that have made their child behave the way he or she does.
One of the best things for a traumatized child often times is a different family. When they first enter a stable, loving family, children bring along all the issues that caused their trauma and then cause more trauma.
I get sick to my stomach when I think what adult humans can do to a child. I see children who act out sexually because a slime-bag adult took out their need for control and assaulted the child in indescribable torture.
I see parents who recognize the child’s situation and want to rescue that child, only to discover the child doesn’t appreciate their caring and is unthankful to be saved.
I have been a child advocate for 40 years. I have fought judges and case workers for children. I’ve been a reviewer of foster care files for a group trying to reform the foster care system in Utah. Reading those files would leave me crying, trying to shake off the lack of support any parent had because the people in power just didn’t care.
I’m sitting here in my little office wondering how to reach retired or semi-retired social workers and get them to volunteer and help these families. I do believe in being a caring, loving person to people in need.
If someone knows a person that would love to get involved, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks for reading my blog.
N. Ann Lamphere, MSW