“WHY, WHY, WHY” Won’t Someone Listen to Me?????

This question is asked by many families with RAD children. I hear that question so frequently that I’ve decided to address it in my blog here. There are so many reasons for that question being ignored.

A major reason a professional won’t answer the question is that they don’t have an answer that would be acceptable. Another reason may be that the professional is unconsciously thinking the parents are at fault. There can be some underlying racial or educational prejudices, as well.

A reverse educational prejudice happened to me and my daughter. She didn’t speak the language when I first placed her in public school.  She needed immersion in English, but that didn’t quite happen.  The school gave her two afternoons in ESL. The rest of the time she was in a regular classroom of 5th graders.

Kara became the classroom pet. She loved that teacher, but she wasn’t learning anything. She wasn’t encouraged to learn. I stood up to that teacher and was told, she wasn’t intelligent enough to learn complicated information being taught. 

She probably wasn’t able to learn what was being taught because she didn’t have the language to understand what someone was trying to teach her.  She had no comprehension of mathematics, reading, science, or history of America.  She didn’t have any way of knowing India’s history, either.

She wasn’t held back, she was promoted to 6th grade, which was even harder for her to grasp what was being taught. The teacher told me she was okay in school and would eventually catch up. When? I asked.  They didn’t know, but she might!

I hate to say, but I was willing to take on self-important people who thought they had more power than me.  I would never back down at the time. Now since something happened to me a few weeks ago, I have had to accept that I gave my power away to someone I accepted as being more powerful than myself.

Was I angry with that person? Yes, I was. Since I’ve thought about it, I was angrier with myself. This person sensed my vulnerability and attacked me and I caved.

I felt like a lot of parents of RAD children do. Totally powerless! When I was younger and raising my RAD kid, I fought for her like crazy.  I was willing to take on social workers, police officers, teachers and judges. I was very assertive.

These incidents happened before I had a college education.  Since I earned my Master’s Degree, I normally would take on most professionals if they were trying to intimidate my clients. I still feel this way. That’s why it was such a shock when this professional attacked me.

If I have parents of RAD children reading this blog, this is my one piece of advice I can give you,


You’ll be surprised at how strong this can make you feel.

N. Ann Lamphere, MSW, CSW

Check out my book “My Adoption Life” Here’s a link

Amazon.com: My Adoption Life: Living with a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Child eBook: Lamphere, N. Ann: Kindle Store

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