FOUR THINGS I LEARNED WHILE WAITING FOR MY FIRST ADOPTED CHILD

If you’re new to adoptions these tips might help you with your decisions. If you’re experienced adoptive parents, I’d love to hear your stories. Everyone involved in the adoption process has a story to tell.

Number 1:

When I started my first adoption, I had no clue how long it would take to receive my child. So PATIENCE is a basic requirement. However, I’m not a patient person, never have been.

There was nothing I could do to move the process along.  The paperwork alone can take upwards of 3 months and I have heard that some potential adoptive parents’ home studies took almost 6 months to complete. Yuck! That’s way too long.

Domestic infant adoptions can take a few months to several years before a child is placed with waiting parents. International adoptions can take a year or more depending on the country chosen.

I suggest finding something to keep you occupied, while you are waiting. In any adoption situations, delays happen.  These delays can be very annoying, especially in times like the Coronus virus pandemic.

(I helped my nephew start a business – this is a picture from his business)

My adoption from India was quoted to be about 3 to 4 months. My daughter was assigned to me by a judge in February. She was supposed to be on a plane by the end of the month.

Are you familiar with Murphy’s Law? You know, “If anything could go wrong, it will.”  Well, that happened in my adoption. Kara, my daughter didn’t get out of India until June. I always caution my clients that delays happen more frequently than people expect.

What happened with us was a shakeup in the political makeup in Calcutta.  The new governor stopped all out-of-country adoptions because he thought Americans were adopting children to make them servants or slaves. He finally saw the light and released the kids.

Number 2:

Choosing the type of adoption that works best for you and your family is extremely important. Are you actively looking for an infant, a toddler, a sibling group, an older child, a child with a correctible or non-correctible special needs or a child from the foster care system?

Do you want a child from the United States or from another country? Checking out agencies is vital to your hopes and dreams. 

Some agencies, domestic or international, place only special needs or older children. Other agencies place foster children that are available; these are usually older kids or sibling groups.

There are some agencies that only place infants; a word to the wise, these agencies” fees can be very high.

Also when choosing an agency, I recommend that you consider the ages of any kids in your home. The best advice I can give you is to always consider a child younger than your youngest child. Also do not twin an adoptive child with a kid the same age, those situations don’t work too well.

Number 3:

Preparing for the time when your child comes home can be stressful, but is necessary. Is the child getting a bedroom of his/her own? Will the new child share a room with another child in your home? Either situation must be addressed.

If there are other kids in your family, please do your best to prepare them for the fact that the new child is going to take a lot of your time while adjusting to your family and a new environment

Is the adoptive child coming from another country? If so, have you studied the culture both good and bad? It’s important to acknowledge that you approve of their culture.  It gives the kids an identity and helps with their adjustment to you and this very strange world we live in.

Because our children come from poverty, we crazy people want to give them everything at once. This can give these kids a sense of entitlement.  As an adoption worker, I have seen this happen and it has caused much stress in a family. I recommend that getting one or 2 sets of clothes and pajamas and maybe something personal when you bring them home.

When my daughter came home from India, she had one outfit that had seen better days. My mother and I took her shopping.  We went a bit overboard and I paid the price with her wanting everything under the sun after that.

Number 4:

Deciding on the child’s ethnicity is extremely important. Are you adopting a Caucasian child, a child from India, an Asian child, a child from an African country or Haiti or a Hispanic country?

Understand if you adopt a child with a different ethnicity, your family just became a mixed race family. The United States is, sad to say, a racist country and your child could become a target for discrimination. Mine did!

My father was a bit of a racist, so I came across a statement that said all people from India were considered Caucasian and he never saw her as different.  Dad even walked her down the aisle when she was married.

However in another situation, I was attending a parent-teacher conference and caught this oversized bully who was making her life miserable calling her names. His father was in line behind us.

I’m about 5 foot tall and this guy was over 6 foot tall. I gathered myself and demanded of this fool of a man that he’d be better off if he taught his child some manners and the guy just folded.  I can be a terror when I see blatant discrimination.

There will be other issues that you will find come up because each adoption has its own dynamics. I’m always willing to help any family with their decision making.  See my service page and know that any help I offer is totally free.

Don’t forget to send me your adoption stories. I love to hear about good and difficult placements

My personal email: annla1441@yahoo.com

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Published by annla1441

Adoption Social Worker. Lived in Utah

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